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Saturday, 07 February 2015 15:16

How Do I Deal With A Messy Boyfriend?

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Question:

I am not sure whether I am stressed out.

I have been with my boyfriend for three years now and we have a two-year-old son. 

My problem is that I have too much to do.  My boyfriend and I both work full-time.  When we get home, I have to cook and clean and attend to my son.  It feels like I just cannot stay ahead with the cleaning and stuff.  I am tired, my son nags and all I can do is shouting at him.

My boyfriend will occasionally bath my son when he is not too tired from work.  He is very messy and does not clean up after himself, making even more work for me. 

I have no time to just relax, and would love to go to the gym again, because I enjoy it, but then there is nobody to look after my son.

I am seriously thinking of leaving my boyfriend, because at least then I only need to look after my son and myself. 

Do you have any advice for me?

 

Answer:

 

Yes, you can call it stress!

The reality of having a child is that your world does get messy, but at the same time the reality of a mature relationship is that you share the mess 100%.

I would suggest that you sit your boyfriend down and explain to him how you feel about the way he treats you.  Explain to him that his lack of consideration is smothering your relationship and having an effect on your son as well.

Then suggest that if he does not want to change his ways and help you with half of the work, at least he must then pay someone to do his half of the work.  Then insist on him either hiring someone to clean up after him, or giving you the money so that you can hire help.  You are not his servant, you are his partner.

If he does not show enough respect to you to listen and do his share, then you do need to ask yourself what you want from this relationship and what you are getting from it in comparison to what you put in.

And yes, if you can at all go to the gym, then do it.  You are expected to give a lot to your boyfriend and son, but if you are too tired and stressed, then you have nothing to give.
You have to look after yourself first, so that you have the energy to look after your son and your boyfriend (always first your son and then your boyfriend).

If you stop yelling at your son and rather give him a hug and do things with him that he enjoys, he will stop nagging.  But for you to have the time and energy to do that, you need the other adult in this relationship to act like an adult and also look after the needs of your son.  Your boyfriend needs to hear that too.

To read more about dealing with relationship issues:

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 Click here if you are outside the UK.

Read 1300 times Last modified on Saturday, 07 February 2015 15:24
Elsabe Smit

Elsabe Smit is a well-known author, clairvoyant, and public speaker.

Elsabe helps people to understand the mysteries of life and Love, so that they can regain control of their lives. What would you like to resolve?

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