Is it possible to create gratitude rather than just feel it momentarily? Yes, it is. Let me explain.
The Universe is in complete balance - from the largest global pandemic to the smallest sub-atomic particle. That is how everything was created. We tend to forget about this incredibly beautiful balance when we get stuck in emotions.
Is there something that you really, really want, but you are hesitant to get it for yourself because it is expensive/the time is not right/you don’t deserve it etc.?
And sometimes you don’t understand the motivation behind your hesitation, or – even worse – you try and manipulate the Universe into giving you what you want, because someone told you that if you wish hard enough, your wishes will come true.
I can recall two instances where I was in such a position.
The first one was when my old wrist watch finally gave in. I was able to use a mobile phone instead to tell the time, but I really wanted a beautiful new watch – and because I was alone and lonely, I asked the Universe to send to me a beautiful man who will buy me the perfect wrist watch.
Nothing happened. I did not meet the man, and I still did not have a wrist watch.
I then went on holiday to the Principality of Lichtenstein, and saw the perfect watch – gold, the right size, the right shape, the most beautiful design – and I bought it for myself. I am still wearing the watch, and it still bring me joy.
Meanwhile the man finally arrived, and did not notice my watch. For my birthday he bought me a watch – a silver monstrosity with pink rhinestones. The relationship did not last, and not even the charity shop wanted the silver watch – it was that ugly. No, he did not try to make fun of me. He just had really bad taste and did not know my taste at all or even bother to find out.
To this day I am glad that when I had the opportunity, I bought myself the beautiful wrist watch rather than try to interfere with the plan that the Universe had with me.
The other instance was my visit to Venice.
For years, I wanted to visit Venice. I thought it would be wonderful if I could go there with a good friend or – if you can believe the publicity – a lover. I have travelled extensively in Europe – mostly on my own – but for some reason I had this mental block about travelling to Venice alone.
When I realised that my time living in Europe was up, I decided to bite the bullet and go to Venice for a short break. My intention was to stay in a hotel in Marghera, a village nearby, and from there take a bus to Venice. I would then spend the rest of the time doing other touristy things around Venice, but at least I can place a tick mark next to Venice on my to-do list.
Buy – was I wrong! I arrived in Marghera, took the bus to Venice, and explored the city. I did the same the next day – and the next, and the next – and if I can go back today I will. The whole place just took my breath away. I spent hours on the water buses. I walked through every alley and shared an over-priced gondola with an American family. I browsed in the shops. I just took in the incredible beauty and tranquillity of the place, day after day, and enjoyed the gelato.
Yes, it was summer and the place was teeming with tourists, but even so, I experienced a tranquillity that remains with me to this day. The only experience that impacted on my tranquillity was my visit to the beautiful San Marco cathedral. It is a stunning place – much more beautiful than the photographs suggest. I did not mind paying an entrance fee, because such places need to be maintained, and I understand that building maintenance is expensive. What I did mind was having to spend money on a dull brown, papery, plastic piece of simulated cloth that I was expected to use to cover my shoulders before I could enter the cathedral. To this day I am convinced that God firstly created my shoulders – and did a good job even if I may say so myself – and secondly God would not have been offended by my short sleeves – not even bare shoulders - and that God also dislikes that piece of … At least I can count my blessings, because another tourist was required to buy two pieces – one to cover his bare arms, and another one to cover his legs, because apparently the God of that cathedral also has issues with bare male legs.
Both these incidents taught me that if a thought resonates with you, then you need to trust and do what you need to do so that you can have the experience. In both instances they were not just short-lived experiences – they were moments that are with me to this day, and I felt a depth and a sense of satisfaction in those moments that gave me a glimpse of eternity.
I have since them recognised the same urge when I think of New Zealand and Peru, and I will go there – on my own or with other people – it does not matter. I don’t have the money yet, but I know by now that as the thought materialises, the funding comes with the reality.
These callings do not necessarily relate to travel or to leaving your country. I felt the same when I first had the thought of designing on-line courses (I already have two, and working on a third one and have a list of ideas that are germinating). Right now I feel the same about my future vision of having a house overlooking the ocean – and it will happen, soon.
What do you need to do right now to make your dreams reality? Go ahead – do it …
I often wonder what it is that makes a relationship a winner … and I am afraid I cannot give you a glib answer, because I don’t think that there is one single answer.
I believe that a relationship is a contract between two souls that they enter into before they are born. It does not matter whether they are married or not – a marriage contract is part of this dimension, whereas a relationship is the result of a contract that was concluded without signatures in another dimension.
I recently had the opportunity to observe various couples, and they confirmed for me that a relationship is a disguise for another agenda.
The first couple claimed to be good friends. The lady is a good friend of the family, and the man is recently widowed. I had only met her once, and before the man arrived with his family, she went out of her way to explain to me that she was a good friend of his deceased wife, and she helps the family where she can. Why was it important for her to tell me this?
Then the man arrived. I did not want to be in the way, so I moved to the other side of the swimming pool from where I observed them.
The body language of the two together told me that not only were they not “just friends”, but that the feeling was mutual. His adult children were also there, and even though it is less than a year since their mother passed away, they were friendly and receptive. The man is prominent in his profession, and I will watch the newspapers for the wedding announcement …
I then encountered a married couple with a small son. It was obvious that they both adored the child. It was also obvious that there was something else going on there. She is a black woman from an exotic island in the Antipodes, and she is very beautiful. When I looked at her, I wanted to cry because of the sadness around her. She was not only terribly homesick – she clearly was at a loss.
Her older husband is a mixed-race South African who spent most of his time outside of the country. His dream was to “retire” by changing one very active career for another very active career, and he approaches everything he does with zest and enthusiasm – and alone.
It did not take him long to spill his guts to me – probably because when I met him, I made a comment that resonated with him. It turned out that she was disillusioned with her “African dream”, and he was disillusioned with her disillusionment. He was also fully aware that he misjudged when he thought he had captured her heart – while she had left her heart somewhere else and she was pining.
I wanted to hug them both and tell them everything will be OK, but I am not so sure of that. They have a beautiful child to raise together, and they will do it, but I cannot imagine that either of them will be happy as long as they live under the same roof.
In this instance the contract between them has nothing to do with living happily ever after. It has everything to do with integrity and dealing with change and challenges – much more than it has to do with love. And the challenges have nothing to do with their mixed-race marriage. In this country that is no longer an issue.
The third couple I observed also have a mixed race marriage. He is Italian and probably immigrated to South Africa when he was a small child. She is what is known in South Africa as “coloured” – in other words, with white and black ancestors. My impression was that they fell in love when they were both mature (and probably after failed previous marriages) and they are so happy that I felt like crying with joy when I saw them together. They both radiate goodness. Uproot them and put them in any other country, and they will settle down with zest and win over all the locals with their enthusiasm for life. They will keep their sadness about being childless to themselves and discus that in the darkness of the night, when they are snuggled in their own cocoon against the world.
Every single relationship has an agenda. It is very seldom that the agenda has to do with superficial things like race, age or gender. During the relationship, the two partners rub against each other – like smooth river stones until they fit together perfectly, or like jagged rocks until either they are smoother together, or until the river of life lets one of them flow away while the other remains stuck. The agenda has to do with more important things such as integrity, respect and self-respect, adapting to change, managing challenges together, growing separately and together, and finding that place where your heart opens up because of the place where you are and the person who is with you.
I have seen those as well – like the two middle-aged men who walked hand in hand, looking radiant, the long-married couple who cannot keep their eyes and hands off each other, and the mature couple preparing for a second marriage when they both believed that they had had their one chance of happiness when their spouses died. Believe me, they have their own challenges, both as individuals and as couples.
Love is Love.
Be aware of who you are, and that will help you in your relationship with others.
I have many negative people in my life. It feels like the more I grow spiritually, the more people tell me I am not good enough or not up to standard (meaning their standards).
I know in my heart I am a good person, and I feel that even more after meditation. How can I love myself more, and how can I love the negative people around me without letting them drag me down?
Love from others start with self-love and is true when it is unconditional.
I have a friend who is very spiritual. We were talking about love and relationships and he said that if he is interested in someone or loves someone and if this person does not love him back, he does not love this person anymore either. I am surprised about his point of view. What do you think about this?
I want to answer this question on different levels.
If we only love people
Guru Nanak, the first of the ten Sikh Gurus, was born on 20th October 1469.
Sikhs believe that the spirit of Guru Nanak's sanctity, divinity and religious authority descended upon each of the nine
I have recently returned from a trip to South Africa, where I was born and spent my first forty-three years in this life.
A week before I went there, serious xenophobic attacks broke out and sadly, many people met a violent end.
I was asked by friends in the UK whether I thought it was wise to go there, and my answer was