Think back to a situation that you can describe as your own war.  Was it a war where you were a soldier?  Or was it an argument, or a conflict situation that you did not enjoy at all?  Was it inner turmoil where you had to make peace with some changes in your life?

Here is the interesting question: what did you gain from the situation?

One of the main things I have gained from war – even if it is just conflict with another person, is an appreciation of diversity.  We are not the same.  There are a few billion different people on this planet.  Every one of us have something to contribute to humanity.

I have experienced inner conflict situations where I assumed that various people were the enemy.  I have on many occasions been surprised to discover empathy and compassion in others, and this has taught me humility.

Conflict situations have allowed me to experience gratitude for what I have and for what I have gained from the conflict.  I have learnt to look for the upside of every conflict situation and for the downside of every situation that was based on an infatuation with a person or circumstances.  As a result my life has become far more balanced.  I have learnt to control and manage my emotions, rather than allow strong emotions to manage me.

Have you noticed that with any conflict you get to a point where you have clarity of vision?  You move above and beyond the conflict and as a result you see the so-called bigger picture.  Suddenly you realise how petty and insignificant your conflict is, and you experience the relief that goes with peace.

Have you ever had conflict with a love partner, and as a result experienced even deeper love based on increased understanding?  Now there is a moment of peace that I would not exchange for anything.

Looking back at my life, conflict has allowed me to cut ties with people and move on.  Often we hold on to people to the detriment of everyone involved.  Conflict allows us to let go and grow into greater things.  Sadly, we hardly ever stop to thank our opponents for allowing us to leave them behind.

Conflict also often forces us to change direction.  Remember that vicious boss who eventually made you resign in desperation?  Remember how you got a far better job which allowed you to grow and learn more about yourself?  Imagine still being stuck in that going-nowhere-fast relationship and not meeting the next person who was ready for the new you.

War and peace do not only happen between countries.  We have war and peace inside of our selves and around us on a daily basis.

Next time you wish for peace, remember that peace will not last.  Neither will war.  We need peace as much as we need conflict.  That is the purpose of our existence here.

Of course needing conflict does not mean needing to kill other people.  Just step back and see what you can learn from yourself about the conflict.  Then thank your opponent for the lesson and move on.

Love and Light

Elsabe

PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives.

What is the one thing which is consuming all your energy at the moment?

Skype ElsabeSmitUK

Twitter ElsabeSmit

LinkedIn Elsabe Smit

What would an Israeli ex-soldier, a Northern Irish child of peace fighters, an Arab with terrorist siblings and a product of South African apartheid have in common?

Would you expect all these people to demand peace and denounce war?  Probably.

However, here is a completely different take.

Think back to the last time when you had a moment of complete peace.  Can you remember what you experienced?  Was it stillness, or bliss?  Can you remember the calmness?  Now imagine that your moment of peace continues for a long time – like five years with no interruption.  Wouldn’t that be nice?

I thought not.

I made a list of the drawbacks of such a long spell of peace.  My list included a lack of personal growth.  What do we learn from the good times?

Of course there would be no challenge, because everyone will agree that this peace is wonderful, and there is no challenge in similarity.

Just the thought of all this makes me feel bored already.  I do not particularly enjoy fighting or arguing, but I cannot imagine that a long period of being unchallenged by anything will be anything less than boring.  It is great to feel placid and quiet, but as the saying goes, too much of a good thing is no longer good.

Have you ever had a real fight on your hands and then experienced peace afterwards?  I can remember many instances where I achieved that peace, and enjoyed all of it.  If I did not first experience the conflict, I would probably not have appreciated the peace.

I actually enjoy having my attention and energy focused on some objective.  There are times when I simply focus on clearing my mind so that I can receive creative thoughts and energy.  What if I receive all that energy and I am so at peace with myself and the world that I just allow the energy to flow away through my fingers?  Possibly once, maybe twice, and after that I will get itchy.  That is my nature.

I feel that everlasting peace will be a denial of life.  We do not live in a world where there is always peace.  Even when we live in a peaceful country, we always experience some inner turmoil based on love, work or social relationships.  If no other people are involved, we still have some sort of inner turmoil.  Life is about not having peace and always striving towards peace.

Of course there is another side to every situation – like a coin which always has two sides.

To be continued

Love and Light

Elsabe

PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives.

What is the one thing which is consuming all your energy at the moment?

Skype ElsabeSmitUK

Twitter ElsabeSmit

LinkedIn Elsabe Smit

I am always fascinated about how our questions get answered – and sometimes how we are steered in a direction without even asking the question.

Someone very dear and close to me is at a point where he has no dignity or quality of life left. He had told me in so many words that he is not afraid of dying. Yet he is still holding on to life while his mind and body are shutting down at an alarming rate. It breaks my heart to see a man stripped of everything, and to see the effect on other loved people and feel the pain in my heart every time I see him.

I have for a while been preparing myself for his transition, and I have wondered what it is that is holding him back. And no, this is not wishing him dead, this is wishing him a peaceful and pain-free transition into the next part of his life.

I recently browsed in a second-hand bookstore and found one of those gems written about the spiritual experiences of a religious family. I find that those books have much credibility because they do not try to prove a point. They simply record the experiences of people trying to make sense out of things that they have encountered for the first time – a sort of “I am telling you I saw it – even if I still don’t believe it myself – and I was sober” story.

I read the book because I was on holiday and it was an easy read. Nothing in the book was new to me. The story was about a young man who died in a car accident and then made contact with his family via a medium. The family did not believe in anything spiritual and the medium, who had one chance encounter with the man’s father about ten years before, contacted them on the insistence of the young man.

Then I encountered one sentence that made me sit up. The context was where a family friend, a medical doctor, explained his soul searching around being obliged to try and save the life of a patient who seems to be beyond saving. He often experienced the dilemma of having to practise his professional oath of saving a life when his heart said that it was inhuman to prolong the suffering of a person.

The young man in the spirit world explained that no matter what the doctor or other people do, a person will only pass over when they give themselves permission at soul level. And that will only happen when that person’s soul is ready to pass over.

Until that point, nothing that anyone says or does will make any difference to the timescale or destiny of the sick person. If the doctor tries to lengthen the person’s life, they will pass over at a certain time. If the doctor does not provide any treatment, the person will pass over at the same pre-destined time, when they agree at soul level that this is the time.

I realised that no matter what I want, my loved one will pass over when his work here is done. His current physical and emotional conditions are part of a much bigger Plan that is there, regardless of what I want. The circumstances are there because every one of us that are involved still needs to learn some truths. I feel much gratitude for this insight.

This also made me think about other things not related to death, but related to transitions.

We are all here because we have planned specific experiences for ourselves. We learn from those experiences and become lighter and wiser. Sometimes we get stuck in the experiences and we do not learn and move on.

We all know of those people who are caught up in a destructive relationship or a totally unsuitable job. Some people insist on defining themselves by means of a dis-ease that is curable, and others keep failing in the same situations, for example serial marriages or continuous financial mishaps.

We have all at some stage wondered why those people do not realise what they do to themselves and others. We have become impatient with them, and had harsh words with them. We have seen them going for therapy and having no results, or refusing therapy because “there is nothing wrong with me!” We have deserted and tolerated them. We have given up on them, been entertained by their mishaps, and accepted them as failures.

We never realised that they will change when they have given themselves permission at soul level. If a person remains stuck in a situation, then it is because at soul level they are not ready to move on. Nothing any relative, therapist, government or anyone else says or does will change that.

And we also seldom realise that we are aware of these “failures” because it is part of our Plan to learn from them. It is far easier to judge them than to use their experiences to learn our own lessons.

But what have we done closer to home?

I know I have been working very hard on my own transition. I am aware of what my destiny is, and I am finally willing to accept it – I am no longer kicking and screaming. I have been quite impatient over the past year or two, waiting for the inevitable to happen so that I can start with the biggest and most significant task of my entire life – my life purpose and passion. I have begged and pushed and capitulated and prayed, but things were still much too slow for my liking.

I have now realised that everything happens at the destined pace. I have learnt so much about myself in the past few years. If everything was already in place and happening, I would have missed out on incredible experiences. My life would have lost a richness of texture and fragrance and colour that I noticed because everything had slowed down.

My soul knows far better than my mind what the perfect timing is. That does not mean I am no longer impatient – I still have a lot to learn.

I now understand more about the relationship between our existence here and our eternal existence. Trying to force things in this existence because we are impatient is like trying to give birth to a foetus the moment it resembles a person on the scan. If the time is not right yet, our actions will destroy a miracle.

Acceptance is probably one of the hardest things we need to learn.

In the film “A Passage to India” a young doctor is accused of raping a young English woman. He is obviously innocent, but there is much hypocrisy and various political agendas result in a nasty trial.

In all this turmoil, the Brahim professor Godbole approaches school superintendent Richard Fielding to discuss the naming of a government school. The professor acts as if there is no trial and no turmoil. When Fielding asks him how he can focus on something as trivial as naming a school in the circumstances, the professor replies that the outcome of the trial is predestined. The professor knows that nothing he can do will change the doctor’s destiny, whether he is found innocent or guilty.

In our daily lives there are things that are less relevant, for example which flavour of ice cream I choose while on holiday. I would not agonize over such a choice, and my ice cream will not change my destiny.

Then there are things that are more relevant, for example the lessons we need to learn from complex relationships. We could choose to agonize over this, but it would still not change our destiny. Accepting this could take a lifetime, or as long as it takes for our souls to evolve to the level where we can let go and accept. Only at this point will we give ourselves permission at soul level to move on.

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe

PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives.

What is the one thing which is consuming all your energy at the moment?

Visit http://www.elsabesmit.com for a FREE new start audit and a FREE Food for Thought subscription.