I met this incredible girl when I was in college, and I really care deeply about her. It is a second relationship for both of us. Her first relationship was long-distance. He started cheating on her after a few months, and she had no idea about it. She even went to visit him and as far as she was concerned they were very happy. He then dumped her just after her birthday.
I knew her at the time but our relationship only started a while after hers ended. We were very happy initially, but then I finished my studies. Because of finances I had to move back home, and this means I am only able to visit her every two months. I am now saving money so that we can move in together soon. We do communicate regularly with IM, video and phone, but it is not the same. I feel I am losing out because I cannot see her face or hear her voice, and that causes misunderstandings that turn out to be quite hurtful for both of us.
She still has her studies and she works two jobs to earn some money. She comes home late at night when her family is already asleep, and she has nobody to talk to.
I am very concerned that she is more and more depressed, and on top of that she is turning into a nasty piece of work - even her friends complain about her behavior.
I really want to help and support her as much as I can, but I feel like I am walking on eggs every time I speak to her. In this way her stress is getting to me. She is now playing this game where she is blaming me for not knowing what is wrong with her, and also not telling me anything – she shuts me out and I feel she is destroying all the closeness we had.
I am a medical doctor. I report to another doctor who completed his studies a year before I completed mine. While we were studying, he was allocated to be my mentor during his final year. He criticized me a lot (and still does), but it helps me to improve and I didn’t mind.
Since I have finished my studies I have been working with him on the same team in the hospital and we often put in long hours together. He once said in a social conversation with colleagues that he has not found a female doctor who is his type, and that he would rather not date another doctor. I know he is involved with an architect.
My problem is that I have feelings for him, and I find it more and more difficult to hide my feelings when I work with him. How can I control my feelings when I am in his presence?
You are ready for a relationship when you are ready to face the fantasy as well as the nightmare. Any relationship teaches us wisdom about ourselves.
To read more about dealing with relationship issues:
I feel like I need to make a choice and I am scared because I don’t know what the outcome will be. I may destroy everything I have.
I have had a very stressful life, but I am finally at peace with myself and I can now say I love myself – after much hard work.
I have met a man who is beautiful in every way. I love him dearly, warts and all, and would love to be his wife and have his child one day. I have known him for two years now.
I have two young children. My daughter is aware of him, but my son knows nothing about him. I have always kept him separate from my family, and he has never shown any interest in them. Not even my closest friends know about him. However, we love each other to bits and spend time together when we choose and enjoy every minute of it.
I have recently been fantasizing about living with him and having his child. I don’t know how to discuss this with him, because I am afraid of losing him altogether. What if he doesn’t want any changes? What if I lose him altogether?
What should I do?
Love from others start with self-love and is true when it is unconditional.
I have a friend who is very spiritual. We were talking about love and relationships and he said that if he is interested in someone or loves someone and if this person does not love him back, he does not love this person anymore either. I am surprised about his point of view. What do you think about this?
I want to answer this question on different levels.
If we only love people
I’ve just started a new relationship, and rather than feeling happy, I am noticing a recurring pattern.
I was in a lovely relationship a few years ago, but then decided to move away to another city. I became so unhappy that I eventually moved back to be with the girl – only to realize that it was the worst thing I could have done. I had anxiety attacks and my health suffered. I could not bear spending time with this girl, and a few months later broke up with her.
Since then I have had a few short-lived relationships, but nothing serious. I then met a girl who was not interested, because she had been burnt before. It took me ages of pursuing her before she was convinced that we could be happy. This was hell for me – if she did not respond to a text immediately, I felt abandoned and desperate with worry. We finally settled down in a happy relationship, until recently when I read an innocent text from her and got a vision of spending my life with her – and it terrified me.
This girl is now very happy in the relationship, and I don’t know how to tell her how I feel. In my heart I probably know she is not the one for me, but I don’t want to hurt her. I also don’t want to leave her and discover again that I have made a big mistake.
Is it possible that I for some reason go after girls that I can’t have, so that
I'm getting married next year to the love of my life. However, due to the wedding and family interfering I've been stressed out lately. I've been on edge and so has my fiancé and we've snapped at each other. What can you recommend that I can do to help me deal with the situation?