Hello Lovely People
Who is wrong? The person who is “wrong” is not the one who cheated. The person who is “wrong” is the one who does not at the end of a relationship step back and do some introspection.
What did you learn from this partner? In what way did you grow from the relationship? What was the most valuable thing you gained from the relationship? How did the relationship make you wiser and stronger? In what way was your partner the best teacher you could ever have had to learn that specific lesson?
Life is about balance. For every light side there is a dark side. And this is the blatantly obvious bit that we like to overlook: for every dark side there is also a light side.
The closer we get to the natural completion of a relationship, the more we focus on the dark side and the hurt from the relationship. This hurt gets so intense that we completely forget to look for the light side – the gain from the relationship.
Often a relationship ends on the surface, but that does not mean we get closer to the natural completion. Think about divorces where the hurt and pain drags on throughout the divorce negotiations – and often for years afterwards, long after the divorce was finalised.
As long as we get stuck on the part of the equation that focuses on “me, myself and I” and “the things they did to me”, the relationship drags on.
Dealing with the paperwork or dividing possessions does not end a relationship. Getting into another, more fulfilling, loving relationship does not end a relationship.
The only way to end a relationship is to acknowledge how that relationship changed you for the better, and then to thank your partner for being a valuable part of the experience. Then let go of the relationship and hold on to the learning experience.
Yes, it is possible to thank any partner for their contribution to your growth, even if the partner raped or abused you, or was an addict. You had that experience not so that it would destroy you, but so that it would help you heal a division inside of yourself.
The secret of gaining from ending a relationship is to acknowledge the nature of that division, and to move from division to wholeness, gratitude and Love.
As long as you hold on to the division and look for someone to blame for your hurt, you will remain divided, hurt and in a dark place. Understanding yourself comes in small portions. Accept the small portions and grow from them.
Love and Light
PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives.
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