“We want to explain some of the intricacies of Love. So many people are looking for Love, and will sacrifice anything to be in a loving relationship.
Love does not require sacrifice in any form. The thought of Love being proven by means of sacrifice was planted in the human psyche thousands of years ago as part of a manipulation that had nothing to do with Love.
Yes, you are thinking about Abraham and his son, Isaac. That had nothing to do with Love. We repeat: Love does not require sacrifice in any form.
Now go and consider all those Love relationships where you feel you sacrifice, and ask yourself how much Love will remain when you stop sacrificing. Every answer will bring you closer to self-Love. When you have self-Love, you are closer to understanding Love.”
Have you noticed that the louder you talk, the less you use your brainpower?
It is impossible to think straight about anything while you shout.
The best way to deal with conflict is to find wisdom from that quiet place inside of yourself and share it with Love.
Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.
Who is wrong? The person who is “wrong” is not the one who cheated. The person who is “wrong” is the one who does not at the end of a relationship step back and do some introspection.
What did you learn from this partner? In what way did you grow from the relationship? What was the most valuable thing you gained from the relationship? How did the relationship make you wiser and stronger? In what way was your partner the best teacher you could ever have had to learn that specific lesson?
Life is about balance. For every light side there is a dark side. And this is the blatantly obvious bit that we like to overlook: for every dark side there is also a light side.
The closer we get to the natural completion of a relationship, the more we focus on the dark side and the hurt from the relationship. This hurt gets so intense that we completely forget to look for the light side – the gain from the relationship.
Often a relationship ends on the surface, but that does not mean we get closer to the natural completion. Think about divorces where the hurt and pain drags on throughout the divorce negotiations – and often for years afterwards, long after the divorce was finalised.
As long as we get stuck on the part of the equation that focuses on “me, myself and I” and “the things they did to me”, the relationship drags on.
Dealing with the paperwork or dividing possessions does not end a relationship. Getting into another, more fulfilling, loving relationship does not end a relationship.
The only way to end a relationship is to acknowledge how that relationship changed you for the better, and then to thank your partner for being a valuable part of the experience. Then let go of the relationship and hold on to the learning experience.
Yes, it is possible to thank any partner for their contribution to your growth, even if the partner raped or abused you, or was an addict. You had that experience not so that it would destroy you, but so that it would help you heal a division inside of yourself.
The secret of gaining from ending a relationship is to acknowledge the nature of that division, and to move from division to wholeness, gratitude and Love.
As long as you hold on to the division and look for someone to blame for your hurt, you will remain divided, hurt and in a dark place. Understanding yourself comes in small portions. Accept the small portions and grow from them.
Why is it that we hold on to relationships long past their natural end?
Think of a friendship that no longer exists. Do you still remember how your friend insulted or deserted you? You gained new friends, but you still feel that hurt.
Remember that supervisor who made your life such hell that you left to get a new job? You smile every time you think what a sad sod that supervisor is, and how much better off you are now. Or you still resent the opportunity that you missed as a result of that person, even though you gained much more from the new job than from the old one.
Then of course there is your marriage. You have known for a long time that there is nothing left of that relationship, but you still hold on. You cannot get a divorce – or so you have convinced yourself. You are dying a slow death every day because your partner refuses to change.
Probably the most destructive relationship to hold on to is a marriage, because of all the social and cultural restrictions against divorce. Somehow we share a belief that a marriage must last for ever, even if statistics confirm that most marriages do not last for ever.
If you end a marriage, does that mean your relationship has failed? That depends on what you take away from the marriage.
Let’s assume that you decided to end the marriage because you discovered your partner is cheating on you. Of course the cheating partner is wrong and should carry all the blame. Or maybe not?
Let us take a step back and look at the situation from a different angle.
You had particular expectations of the relationship. You made those expectations clear to your partner, who obliged and live up to your expectations. Everyone was happy and all was well. You were very pleased with yourself.
Then you discovered that your partner was seeing someone else. This of course was devastating. When you confronted your partner they had nothing to say, or they said “it did not really mean anything”, or they said “you won’t understand”.
Did you listen to that? Did you hear what your cheating partner was saying to you?
It is not pleasant to realise that the relationship was all about you and your expectations. It takes much effort and sometimes a large leap of courage to look at the face in the mirror and see who carries 50% of the “blame” for a relationship where one person cheated.
Cheating is only the symptom of the lack of communication in the relationship. Did you ever listen to your partner? Did you ever ask and discover what your partner really values?
Of course it is quite disappointing to discover that a person does not live up to your expectations. But in any relationship there are two people and they both have expectations. One person may have the vocabulary to express their expectations and values, while another person uses their behaviour to express their expectations and values.
Think back to a situation that you can describe as your own war. Was it a war where you were a soldier? Or was it an argument, or a conflict situation that you did not enjoy at all? Was it inner turmoil where you had to make peace with some changes in your life?
Here is the interesting question: what did you gain from the situation?
One of the main things I have gained from war – even if it is just conflict with another person, is an appreciation of diversity. We are not the same. There are a few billion different people on this planet. Every one of us have something to contribute to humanity.
I have experienced inner conflict situations where I assumed that various people were the enemy. I have on many occasions been surprised to discover empathy and compassion in others, and this has taught me humility.
Conflict situations have allowed me to experience gratitude for what I have and for what I have gained from the conflict. I have learnt to look for the upside of every conflict situation and for the downside of every situation that was based on an infatuation with a person or circumstances. As a result my life has become far more balanced. I have learnt to control and manage my emotions, rather than allow strong emotions to manage me.
Have you noticed that with any conflict you get to a point where you have clarity of vision? You move above and beyond the conflict and as a result you see the so-called bigger picture. Suddenly you realise how petty and insignificant your conflict is, and you experience the relief that goes with peace.
Have you ever had conflict with a love partner, and as a result experienced even deeper love based on increased understanding? Now there is a moment of peace that I would not exchange for anything.
Looking back at my life, conflict has allowed me to cut ties with people and move on. Often we hold on to people to the detriment of everyone involved. Conflict allows us to let go and grow into greater things. Sadly, we hardly ever stop to thank our opponents for allowing us to leave them behind.
Conflict also often forces us to change direction. Remember that vicious boss who eventually made you resign in desperation? Remember how you got a far better job which allowed you to grow and learn more about yourself? Imagine still being stuck in that going-nowhere-fast relationship and not meeting the next person who was ready for the new you.
War and peace do not only happen between countries. We have war and peace inside of our selves and around us on a daily basis.
Next time you wish for peace, remember that peace will not last. Neither will war. We need peace as much as we need conflict. That is the purpose of our existence here.
Of course needing conflict does not mean needing to kill other people. Just step back and see what you can learn from yourself about the conflict. Then thank your opponent for the lesson and move on.
Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives.
What is the one thing which is consuming all your energy at the moment?
What would an Israeli ex-soldier, a Northern Irish child of peace fighters, an Arab with terrorist siblings and a product of South African apartheid have in common?
Would you expect all these people to demand peace and denounce war? Probably.
However, here is a completely different take.
Think back to the last time when you had a moment of complete peace. Can you remember what you experienced? Was it stillness, or bliss? Can you remember the calmness? Now imagine that your moment of peace continues for a long time – like five years with no interruption. Wouldn’t that be nice?
I thought not.
I made a list of the drawbacks of such a long spell of peace. My list included a lack of personal growth. What do we learn from the good times?
Of course there would be no challenge, because everyone will agree that this peace is wonderful, and there is no challenge in similarity.
Just the thought of all this makes me feel bored already. I do not particularly enjoy fighting or arguing, but I cannot imagine that a long period of being unchallenged by anything will be anything less than boring. It is great to feel placid and quiet, but as the saying goes, too much of a good thing is no longer good.
Have you ever had a real fight on your hands and then experienced peace afterwards? I can remember many instances where I achieved that peace, and enjoyed all of it. If I did not first experience the conflict, I would probably not have appreciated the peace.
I actually enjoy having my attention and energy focused on some objective. There are times when I simply focus on clearing my mind so that I can receive creative thoughts and energy. What if I receive all that energy and I am so at peace with myself and the world that I just allow the energy to flow away through my fingers? Possibly once, maybe twice, and after that I will get itchy. That is my nature.
I feel that everlasting peace will be a denial of life. We do not live in a world where there is always peace. Even when we live in a peaceful country, we always experience some inner turmoil based on love, work or social relationships. If no other people are involved, we still have some sort of inner turmoil. Life is about not having peace and always striving towards peace.
Of course there is another side to every situation – like a coin which always has two sides.
To be continued
Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives.
What is the one thing which is consuming all your energy at the moment?
