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About Relationships: Sexuality and Betrayal

Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

Click here to listen to a recording of the article.

“I am female. My girlfriend is back with her ex-boyfriend. How do I deal with this?”

The first thought that comes to mind is betrayal and how to deal with that. There are three instances of betrayal here.

Let’s call the client Jane. She is being betrayed by the girlfriend (let’s call her Ann) who was in a relationship that went well with Jane, but Ann walked away because the pull of the past relationship with the man was stronger.

The next instance of betrayal is with Ann, who is betraying her true self, because she is not consistent in her behaviour. Ann is also betraying the trust of her ex-boyfriend because she does not seem to be committed to the relationship with him.

It is easy to judge Ann, because we are not in her shoes. So let’s take a step back and have another look at this situation.

Ann has a soul contract with her ex-boyfriend as well as with Jane. Of course Ann also has a life script that requires her to deal with her own sexuality and decide how she wants to express herself.

We need to understand the nature of sexuality and gender first. All of us have a male and a female side. We express our male side in terms of the rational, structured logical decisions in our lives. We also express our female side in terms of our emotions, feelings and everything related to Love.

Added to this expression, we also choose a physical body that confirms the main choice we make in terms of our own life script. The norm is that we choose a male body when we want to focus on a life script that deals with the more concrete aspects of life, and that we choose a female body when we want to focus on the more intangible aspects of life. However, at times the choice we make in terms of physical body reflects a duality related to our spiritual male/female aspect – where we make a choice that goes against the majority.

And do not for a moment believe that the majority is always right. For example, in terms of our male/female integration the “best” option is where we are eventually entirely spiritual, and we are both male and female without a physical body. As a human race we are not nearly there yet – but it is something to strive for,

Coming back to Ann and her betrayal – she obviously needs to make peace with who she is, and how she wants to express her sexuality. The way for her to reach that clarity is by having relationships – with Jane and with her ex-boyfriend.

There are a few sub-agendas here as well.

Firstly, there are both an ex-boy-friend and an ex-girlfriend, and either relationship can possibly be re-kindled. Is it a good idea to re-kindle a past relationship? There is no rule on this – it depends entirely on the relationship and the people involved. And of course where a relationship is re-kindled, there is a soul contract that needs to be honoured. Whether either relationship will be re-kindled or not depends entirely on the soul contracts of the individuals.

Secondly, there is the issue of rejection and being rejected. Both Jane and the ex-boyfriend need to deal with the rejection from Ann.

What if Ann decides to return to Jane? How will Jane deal with the past rejection? Will she blame Ann for having left her, or will she understand that she needs to deal with her own emotions? Will Jane decide to accept what has happened and move on, or will she always wonder when Ann is going to leave her again?

What if Ann decided to stay with the ex-boyfriend? How will she remember her past relationship with Jane – with fondness, self-blame, confusion, or anger towards either herself or Jane or both?

And how will Jane deal with the fact that Ann is not returning to her? Will she feel rejected, resigned, angry, lonely? Will she cling to hoping that the relationship will get back on track?

In this situation a non-judgmental psychic reading will help all three people to deal with the present and provide them with options in terms of their future, so that they can make their own choices and move towards healing and integration.

Are you struggling with your own identity? Do you need an unbiased discussion to help you get clarity?

I can help you.

Visit goo.gl/lbFkN for an intuitive assessment of your relationship.



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Kamala Beach



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About Relationships: Angelina Jolie is Finally Forgiven

Monday, November 7th, 2011

Click here to listen to a recording of the article.
We like to think that celebrities live a perfect life, because they are rich and famous. Take for example Angelina Jolie – famous, rich, married to a rich and famous man. What could possibly bother her that she cannot simply buy a solution for?

How about a rift with her father that lasted for ten years? No amount of shopping can take away such hurt.

In 2002 Angelina Jolie and her father Jon Voight had a serious argument. As a result they were publicly estranged until recently. The change in the situation came after what Jon Voight described as an “emotional epiphany” that altered his attitude in a moment.

In an interview he described a moment when “everything shifted” and as a result the way was opened for him to be re-united with his daughter. He described his gratitude about what happened and also said that when he is with his grand-children his daughter “sees another energy in [him] which takes over”.

There is a fascinating quantum physical process behind what has happened with Jon Voight. And yes, he may say that the solution came in a moment, but that moment in fact took nearly ten years. And at the same time the ten years took only a moment.

This process is all based on two conflicting sides fighting against each other, and finally the two sides become one. This process can go on for years, or it can be resolved in days. The more intense the experience, the greater the moment of wisdom and gratitude is.

Because we were not in his life and in the moment when the conflict started, we will never know the full truth. After all, the truth that is reported in the press is the newsworthy version of what is mostly gossip.

However, in this instance, Jon Voight probably experienced very strong conflicting emotions about his daughter – where he did not want to lose her love and affection, but at the same time he did not want to accept her judgement and rejection.

Such a conflict situation becomes evident when you say, for example, “part of me wants . . . while another part of me wants . . . “”

Those two opposing parts struggle against each other until the inner conflict is resolved. In that moment when the resolution happens, you experience a moment of intense gratitude where a quantum of light is formed in every cell of your body, and you get a glimpse of the Universe. Jon Voight came close to it when he described the moment as “an emotional epiphany”.

In the moment when this change happens, your entire body vibration increases by a notch, and the change in your energy vibration is permanent. That is why his daughter could remark that she sees another energy in him which takes over when he is with his grand-children.

Is it really necessary to carry such a grudge for ten years? Of course not. When you understand the quantum physical process, it is possible to shorten the process to days, or even to hours if you are really willing to work on it. The longer you carry such a grudge and conflict with you, the more damage you do to your physical and emotional body.

And once you have experienced the success of the process and the means of resolving the conflict, you will understand why we go through these processes and experiences during our lives. You may not necessarily look forward to the next conflict, but you will know the signs and what to expect, and it will be easier to resolve the conflict and move on.

Are you bearing a grudge against someone? Do you want to move on from conflict in your relationship?

I can help you get clarity.

Visit goo.gl/lbFkN for an intuitive assessment of your relationship.



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Kamala Beach



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About relationships: Marrying Into A Dream

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

Click here to listen to a recording of the article.

The TV star Kelsey Grammer recently indicated in a TV interview that he thought his third wife married him because he was the very popular TV character, Frasier. She married her dream, and the reality turned out to be an ordinary, vulnerable person with extra-ordinary talents.
Did the same happen when the model Heather Mills married the musician Paul McCartney? Did she also marry a dream and wake up to a different reality?

This does not only happen to rich and famous people. Women often get married to a “knight in shining armour” who takes them away from circumstances that they dislike – only to find that the sting is not in the circumstances, but in how they view their lives.

For example, a teenage girl married a man who took her away from parents that relied financially on their child, and she had big dreams of a life of being in the limelight. A month after the marriage she found herself pregnant in a culture where abortion was not an option, and where everyone celebrated the arrival of an heir. She discovered that she had moved from an escapable nightmare to an inescapable nightmare, and she was forced into the role of mother prematurely – with disastrous consequences. She eventually died from an overdose of drugs because she could .

We like to read in the press about well-known people having whirlwind romances and getting married quickly. However, we are left with a sense of confusion when those fairy-tale romances disintegrate into bitter public divorces.

How can such an outcome be prevented for an ideal courtship?

The Universe is in complete balance – for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, as Isaac Newton discovered centuries ago. This has in recent decades been confirmed when it was discovered that every positive charge also has a negative charge.

Where a famous (or not so famous) person is swept away into a wonderful romance, and there is talk of marriage or even living together as an indication of commitment, the couple should be encouraged to take stock of their situation. They should be guided to discover the downside of every dream-like experience that they have together.

And no, this is not the opposite of positive thinking. This is a means of finding balance. If the focus is entirely on the dream-like experiences, the laws of nature will ensure that the nightmare-like side of the experience will be added. Why not rather find the balance before making a public commitment that could result in an equally public down-fall?

For example, when you marry a famous person, you get famous by default for a short time. However, over time the famous, talented person continues to get the attention based on their talents, while the not-so-famous spouse fades into the background.

Even when you marry a person that is successful but not famous, you may find that their success is based on a single-mindedness that excludes everything else while they pursue their dream. And what if you are part of that dream, and you lose their interest once they have “achieved” you?

Look for the downside of your dream before you leap. That will help you to find balance and make more realistic decisions.

Are you struggling to cope with the reality of your marriage? Do you want to find your own identity while remaining married to a famous or successful person?

I can help you.

Visit goo.gl/lbFkN for an intuitive assessment of your relationship.


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Kamala Beach



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Alex Reid Has Moved On – Without The Paperwork

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

Click here to listen to a recording of the article.

Does marriage happen in your heart or on paper?

The cage fighter Alex Reid asked reality TV star Chantelle Houghton to marry him during a TV interview, and she accepted. Now Alex claims that “in his heart” he is already married to Chantelle, despite the fact that his marriage to Katie Price is still to be dissolved.

This situation seems to make a mockery of marriage – if you believe that marriage is “until death us do part”. Like many other celebrities, Alex seems to move from one relationship to the next quite quickly, and one may jump to the conclusion that he does not understand the meaning of commitment and is therefore not relationship material.

However, Alex Reid’s marriage and new relationship is a good example of the state of relationships, since we live in an age where relationships start and end much faster than in the past.

Every relationship has a natural end date. Yes, a relationship may be short-lived, like the one between Alex Reid and Katie Price, or it may last for 70 years, like the one between the couple who recently passed away within an hour of each other after both being injured in a car accident.

The question is not how long you can make a relationship or marriage last, but rather whether you can recognise the end of the relationship. Once it is clear that the relationship has come to an end and the partners still hold on, the situation normally becomes quite explosive. It becomes more and more difficult to move on and the emotions get stronger and more painful.

You know intuitively when you have reached the natural end of a relationship, because you start to withdraw physically and emotionally. Even if you still feel committed, you will feel your partner withdraw and you will know that things are not the same any longer.

When you are married to your partner, there seems to be an obligation to do everything humanly possible to save the marriage, because if you do not stay married, you have failed. This attitude goes against nature, where everything happens in cycles – including relationships.

Alex Reid seems on the surface to have recognised that his marriage relationship is truly over, and to have moved on. It is heartening news that he and Chantelle want to enjoy their engagement before they get married. That will give them both the time to deal with any final baggage from their past relationships.

And yes, dissolving Alex’s marriage to Katie Price is part of moving on and it cannot be ignored. The legal process will still result in strong emotions related to the marriage that he has to deal with, and those emotions will impact on his current relationship until he has dealt with them.

Will it be necessary for Alex and Chantelle to get married to prove their commitment to each other? That is a personal decision. He seems to understand from his own experience that a marriage certificate does not necessarily mean commitment to a person. He has already publicly declared his commitment to Chantelle and that is binding in his mind.

Will his commitment to Chantelle last for ever? That depends entirely on the soul contract between them and the reason why they are having a relationship. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. Either way, if he and Chantelle ever part ways, it will mean the end of the relationship, and not the end of the world.

Are you in a marriage relationship that you want to leave, but something is holding you back?  Do you feel guilty about breaking your marriage vows and getting divorced? Would you like to find new love but you do not know how to put the past to rest?

Then I may help you.

Visit goo.gl/lbFkN for an intuitive assessment of your relationship.

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Kamala Beach



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Let’s Not Argue About Custody

Friday, October 21st, 2011

Click on this link for the MP3 version of the article.

“I want to leave my marriage.   Will my husband allow me access to the children when I leave him?”

This is a challenging situation because it goes against the norm.  People would expect a woman to leave her marriage and by default take the children with her.

However, let us not look for right or wrong and be the judge of a situation that we are not part of.

The underlying issue in this relationship is security.  She does not feel secure in the relationship.  She does not feel secure outside of the relationship either.  However, she does feel that she needs to leave the marriage if she is to grow and survive.

Going against the norm requires a lot of courage, because people judge very easily.

So how does she prepare herself for this big step before taking it? How does she protect her children against any potential back-lash and potential emotional upheaval?

There will be emotional upheaval anyway, and the children will experience a sense of loss.  They will also experience other strong emotions such as anger and perhaps feeling abandoned.

This lady needs to first find self-love before she makes her move.

Ending a marriage often results in a feeling of failure.  People often have the fantasy of a marriage “till death us do part”, and if the reality looks different, it means that you have failed.  The truth is that any relationship has a natural life cycle.  When the relationship reaches that natural end, not recognising it and holding on to the relationship for dear life would mean failure.  Not letting go would also mean daily emotional pain, especially if one partner moves on and the other partner holds on to the fantasy.

What difference will self-love make?  It will make a world of difference for everyone.

If you can discover and recognise your “good” traits, then they will start to balance out your “bad” traits.  For example, let’s say this lady feels like a complete failure as a mother, because she does not have a natural mother’s instinct.  She wants to leave her children behind because she feels that they are better cared for by her husband.

What if this is a relief for the husband, who is frustrated by the fact that his wife does not conform to the norm?  What if the husband is by nature much more caring and affectionate than her and he does not want or expect her to change?

There is a human and traditional rule that says all mothers MUST feel an instinct to take care of their young.  However, we all know mothers who on the surface fulfil that role, but they are physically and emotionally cruel to their children.

Here we have a mother who wants to turn her back on tradition and follow her heart.  She knows that her husband is a far better carer than she will ever be, and she is willing to leave the relationship so that she can make space for him.  She is doing this in the interest of her children – which is far better than staying in the relationship, being desperately unhappy and creating a very stressful environment for the children.  If she can find love of herself, she will be able to relax about her decision.

This will have an immediate positive impact on her children, because they will intuitively feel that she is all right and they do not need to be concerned about her.  It will also have an impact on her marriage relationship, because it will bring clarity in a situation that must also be quite stressful for the husband.

Once she is able to accept her decision in the interest of everyone, she will be able to leave the situation without any self-blame.  Her children will benefit from seeing her when she is happy, and they will be able to build up a different relationship with her with less expectation and less stress.

We also need to remember that these children as well as the husband have a soul contract with her, that they entered into before any of them were born.  They are now living that soul contract.  If she feels strongly enough that she needs to leave the marriage to continue with her life and only see her children occasionally, then is that not far better than remaining in a situation that is highly stressful?

Would the people who stand ready to judge her rather see her destroying herself with an addiction that is far more destructive for her, her husband and her children?

Love does not necessarily mean living under the same roof.  Love means accepting and loving yourself, so that you have love to give to others.

Are you struggling to with a complex relationship issue? Then I may help you.

Visit goo.gl/IbFkN for an intuitive assessment of your relationship.

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Kamala Beach



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Hold Your Own Memories

Monday, October 25th, 2010

Hello Lovely People

Who is in charge of your memories?

I was clearing out some photographs over the weekend and had to decide whether to keep or delete photographs of people who are no longer part of my life. I decided to keep the photographs because each one of those people made me the person I am today, and I want to take my gratitude for them into the future. I have no desire to destroy them or their images. And this is not emotional baggage either. If I lose the photographs because of my own doing, I will not be devastated.

This reminded me of my first serious adult relationship – a really sweet one that was not meant to last. Even at the time I knew that I was out of my depth and I think that contributed to me feeling flattered about the attention I was receiving at the time. When the relationship fizzled out, I felt gratitude and relief and moved on – and kept the photographs and mementos.

Then I had another relationship where my new partner insisted on destroying all those innocent love letters and photographs. At the time I thought I should feel flattered because of his jealousy and possessiveness, but I just felt bewildered and a sense of loss.

That sense of loss has remained with me until this day. It is not a matter of getting closure or letting go of the previous relationship – that was never relevant.

Not all memories of a past relationship are “bad” – or “good” for that matter. Those memories are part of a path of self-discovery and very personal.

When you hand your memories to another person, no matter what your motivation is, it is in fact the beginning of the end for the new relationship. This is the point where you hand over control of your destiny to your new partner, and where you put a part of yourself on hold. That part of yourself does not go away – it waits until you are ready to deal with it.

I spent the rest of the weekend recalling my rose-coloured version of that first relationship – and maybe it was good that there were no photographs or love letters to remind me of the reality – who knows?

I only realized yesterday what I was meant to learn from an incident that happened a lifetime ago – because I am now ready to learn and move on.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.



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Gaining From Adversity

Saturday, October 16th, 2010

Hello Lovely People

Have you noticed how some people remain stuck in the same painful space? For example a bad relationship, unsuitable job, no self-belief, being bullied, even physical illness. And you can add to the list.

They will remain there until they have learned what they were meant to learn about themselves, and only then will they move on.

If you are desperate for your circumstances to change so that you can experience less emotional or physical pain, maybe it is time to take a step back.

In every “bad” situation there is some “good” that you do not notice. The result is that you do not get the balanced view, which will take you to acceptance and new way of thinking and doing.

Ask yourself how you are benefiting from your circumstances, and what is it that you are not appreciating about your situation. For example, many people do not get well because their illness result in them getting attention that they would otherwise not get, and they do not want to lose that attention.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


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Time to Change

Friday, September 17th, 2010

Hello Lovely People

Have you noticed how some people remain stuck in the same painful space?

For example a bad relationship, unsuitable job, no self-belief, being bullied, even physical illness. And you can add to the list.

They will remain there until they have learned what they were meant to learn about themselves, and only then will they move on.

Have you spent some time thinking about what you need to learn form your crisis?

If you are in such a painful space, give me a call on 0845 302 4782 and I can help you grasp the lesson and move on.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


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How Long Should Marriage Vows Last? 2

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Hello Lovely People

I was married once, and I ended the marriage against much objection and prejudice after I had faced the wrong end of a fire-arm.  I had to struggle for years with the guilt, the sense of failure and the programmed prejudice that was targeted at me and making my life one great misery.

Did I gain from the marriage and the divorce?

Of course I did.  Even during my marriage I had to rely on my own resources, and that made me realise that I was emotionally much stronger than anybody gave me credit for.  I had to find solutions for problems that were not described in any textbook.

After my divorce I was a “sinner” and an outcast.  That forced me to reach out to people who otherwise would have been off-limits to me for ridiculous reasons such as a different religion, language or marital status.  I made great friends and learnt about unconditional Love.

When my 10-year-old son ran away from home in the night, I could not talk to anyone that I knew – not even my parents – to get help, because that would have provided proof of my failure as a single parent – which was predicted all round as part of the culture I grew up in.    It was part of the burden of being a divorced woman in a culture where the institution of marriage was (still is) worshipped.

I found my son within half an hour – and he was quite embarrassed and happy to be home again.  That brought us closer and I learned to listen more to what he was saying, and also to what he was not saying – a skill that has been invaluable throughout my life.

And the other day my boy spontaneously told me that he is very happy to have me as “the oracle on parenthood” now that he is becoming a father.  That was a humbling experience and it made more than 20 years of being a single parent worth every minute.  Without my “failed” marriage I would never have had that experience.  And I can write a book about the other wonderful discoveries I have made about myself and other people over the years since I got divorced.

The Celtic hand-fasting ceremony is far more realistic than any religious marriage vows that I have encountered.

I will quote selectively from the vows that go with the hand-fasting ceremony – if you want to know more, contact me and I will provide a link to the full wording.

“Will you cause him/her pain?
I May
Is that your intent?
No

Will you burden him/her?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

Will you cause him/her anger?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?
We will.

The knots of this binding are not formed by these cords but instead by your vows. Either of you may drop the cords, for, as always, you hold in your own hands the making of breaking of this union.”

These vows do not create any unrealistic expectations.  They consider the fact that we are the masters of our own destinies, and that when things “go wrong”, there is not necessarily malicious intent.  Life is about positive and negative experiences, and all these experiences are meant to provide balance.

And above all, the vows are not based on the assumption that “failure” implies guilt.  There is no such thing as failure.  There is such a thing as being blind to the insights we are meant to gain from the relationship.

The lessons we learn and the wisdom we gain from ending a relationship are forever.  The legal and religious paperwork attached to a relationship are not forever.  The guilt and sense of failure may be forever, if you choose to hold on to that for the rest of your life.

Click here to ensure your seat on the seminar planned for 3rd June 2010.

Love and Light

Elsabe

PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives.

What is the one thing which is consuming all your energy at the moment?

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How Long Should Marriage Vows Last? 1

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

Hello Lovely People

I recently wrote an article in which I explained that any relationship has a natural duration, after which it ends – unless the people in the relationship hold on to the relationship for dear life.

This raised a question about marriage vows.  Divorce statistics prove to us time and again that despite the religious and legal pressure on us, marriages do not last for ever – they do not even last for a lifetime.

And even where a marriage lasts for a lifetime, people often tell me that they have been desperately unhappy in their “long and happy” marriage because they were forced to stay in it for health or financial reasons or because of social pressure.  In these situations, even though the marriage certificate is there, the marriage did not last for a lifetime.  Who are we trying to fool?

Why do we have marriage vows?

The earliest marriage vows were not between two people.  The vows were between a person and the village that this person joined by means of a ceremony.  The person undertook to help watch over and protect the tribe and the village, in exchange for their protection.

During the Middle Ages marriage vows became a legal contract between families, and it was meant to protect the interests of the two families that were tied together by the union between a man and a woman.  There was not necessarily a religious aspect to this.

Later on the church got involved and insisted on having a public ceremony where a couple made promises to each other “until death do us part”.  Sadly there is so much religious pressure on many marriages that those words become the sentence people have to live with – mostly emotional death, sometimes physical death.  If you are still trapped in a marriage that has technically ended long ago, you will know what I am talking about.

Someone said to me the other day that even though he is divorced, he still believes that a marriage should last “for ever”.  He said that when you get married, you do not decide whether you take the 10-year or the 15-year deal.

Of course you don’t, and even if you could, it would not make sense to choose any duration for the marriage in terms of time.  The marriage – that is the relationship, regardless of its legal status – will endure for as long as the couple teach each other what they undertook in their soul contracts which they entered before they were born.

The religious view on marriage vows has caused a lot of heart-ache, violence and emotional damage.  People are expected to buy into the fantasy that a relationship will last “for ever”.  When reality destroys the fantasy, the church and society heaps guilt onto the “guilty” parties for failing to live up to the fantasy.  When the relationship eventually ends – legally – too often the partners walk away with a sense of failure, rather than with a sense of achievement.  This sense of failure in fact keeps them in the relationship well past its sell-by date.

Do we achieve anything from a broken relationship?  Of course we do.  We just do not acknowledge our achievements.

To be continued

Click here to ensure your seat on the seminar planned for 3rd June 2010.

Love and Light

Elsabe

PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives.

What is the one thing which is consuming all your energy at the moment?

Skype ElsabeSmitUK

Twitter ElsabeSmit

LinkedIn Elsabe Smit


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