Click here to listen to a recording of the article.

The TV star Kelsey Grammer recently indicated in a TV interview that he thought his third wife married him because he was the very popular TV character, Frasier. She married her dream, and the reality turned out to be an ordinary, vulnerable person with extra-ordinary talents.
Did the same happen when the model Heather Mills married the musician Paul McCartney? Did she also marry a dream and wake up to a different reality?

This does not only happen to rich and famous people. Women often get married to a “knight in shining armour” who takes them away from circumstances that they dislike – only to find that the sting is not in the circumstances, but in how they view their lives.

For example, a teenage girl married a man who took her away from parents that relied financially on their child, and she had big dreams of a life of being in the limelight. A month after the marriage she found herself pregnant in a culture where abortion was not an option, and where everyone celebrated the arrival of an heir. She discovered that she had moved from an escapable nightmare to an inescapable nightmare, and she was forced into the role of mother prematurely – with disastrous consequences. She eventually died from an overdose of drugs because she could .

We like to read in the press about well-known people having whirlwind romances and getting married quickly. However, we are left with a sense of confusion when those fairy-tale romances disintegrate into bitter public divorces.

How can such an outcome be prevented for an ideal courtship?

The Universe is in complete balance – for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, as Isaac Newton discovered centuries ago. This has in recent decades been confirmed when it was discovered that every positive charge also has a negative charge.

Where a famous (or not so famous) person is swept away into a wonderful romance, and there is talk of marriage or even living together as an indication of commitment, the couple should be encouraged to take stock of their situation. They should be guided to discover the downside of every dream-like experience that they have together.

And no, this is not the opposite of positive thinking. This is a means of finding balance. If the focus is entirely on the dream-like experiences, the laws of nature will ensure that the nightmare-like side of the experience will be added. Why not rather find the balance before making a public commitment that could result in an equally public down-fall?

For example, when you marry a famous person, you get famous by default for a short time. However, over time the famous, talented person continues to get the attention based on their talents, while the not-so-famous spouse fades into the background.

Even when you marry a person that is successful but not famous, you may find that their success is based on a single-mindedness that excludes everything else while they pursue their dream. And what if you are part of that dream, and you lose their interest once they have “achieved” you?

Look for the downside of your dream before you leap. That will help you to find balance and make more realistic decisions.

Are you struggling to cope with the reality of your marriage? Do you want to find your own identity while remaining married to a famous or successful person?

I can help you.

Visit goo.gl/lbFkN for an intuitive assessment of your relationship.

Kamala Beach

I am fascinated by all the myths around bonding between people – not only parents and children, but also friends.

One myth is that a mother has difficulty bonding with a baby after a caesarean section.  Another one is that all parents must bond with their children, or they risk being branded as bad parents.

What is this bonding?  For me it is a feeling of “knowing” a person.  You know that the person resonates with you and you want to be in their presence, or you know that the person is bad news for you and you do not want to be in their presence.  This has nothing to do with family ties.  It has everything to do with the energy vibration that we all exude.

I once experienced a feeling of repulsion with a new-born baby for no reason at all.  Over the years that baby turned into an attractive, intelligent young person who has always treated me well, but that did not do anything to dissolve that feeling of me wanting to run away when I am in the presence of that person, despite my best sermons to myself about Loving thy neighbour.

I recently talked to someone who feels a similar sense of repulsion for a young person that I get on fairly well with.  I was not sure which was worse – the disgust for a well-educated, well-groomed but slightly overconfident teenager, or the self-disgust because they could not find a logical reason for their dislike of the person.

There is no rule that says people have to love their children.  It is quite possible to have a child and not like the child, even when they are new-born babies.

Sometimes people can justify their dislike.  For example, my mother was quite disgusted to find herself at the age of 18 with a baby who destroyed all her dreams of achieving something in her life.  Of course she was quite brilliant and had all the opportunity to achieve her dreams at a later age, but she chose to fixate her emotions on me and blame me for being born and destroying her life.

She did not feel the same brooding anger towards my siblings, because in her mind the damage was done when I was conceived, and there was no reason to blame my siblings for the damage that my presence did.

I grew up knowing that my mother did not love me – she did not even like me, despite my best efforts.  She saw all my achievements as a threat to her dwindling dreams, and when I did not achieve she found the proverbial stick to beat me up with for being lazy.  No matter what I did, I could not win and the emotional abuse never stopped.

I was well into my thirties before I realized that nothing I could say, think or do would make her change her mind about me.  By that time she was an alcoholic and drug addict, and every time she went for another unsuccessful treatment, I got the dreaded phone call from the health care professional about my “cruelty” towards my mother – while I just felt incredible sadness and confusion about the situation.

After my mother’s death, I knew I had to make peace with the memory of being unwanted.  The alternative was to label myself as “I am Elsabe and I was an unwanted child”.  Thank goodness I realized that the way she treated me resulted in me finding my worth inside of myself rather than in the approval of others.  It took me years to look at the face in the mirror, and even more years to learn and later love that face and that person.  This is not a narcissistic self-admiration, but rather self-acceptance and getting comfortable in my own skin despite how other people treat me.

When you look at the way waves of different frequencies react when they collide in nature, you will realize that some waves fit together perfectly because they share the same wave-length.  Other waves clash and the result is fragmentation and chaos.

People consist of energy, and we also respond like waves.  With some people you communicate easily because you are “on the same wave-length”.  With other people you clash because you share incompatible frequencies.  The behaviours of people are no different from the behaviour of energy waves in nature, because people consist of energy waves.

The difference with people is that we have agendas for our existence here.  When we clash with people, their agenda is to help us make peace with those parts of ourselves that we disown.  They have this agenda because it is part of the contract that we enter into with various people before we incarnate.

This is what works for me:  when I discover that a person does not resonate with me, I grin and bear it until I am able to put into words what it is that I find repulsive about the person.  Then I do introspection until I am clear in my mind on exactly how and when I display that same repulsive trait.  This does not suddenly mean I discover an unconditional love for the person and we get on well from there onwards.  It does mean that I understand what it is that I need to accept in myself, and that I am reminded of any residue of self-rejection every time I meet with that person.

Whenever I discover and accept another part of that self-disgust that is reflected in the other person, a quantum of light is formed and my own bodily vibration changes to a higher frequency.  Rather than outright rejection, I am then able to display tolerance towards that person.

If life was uncomplicated, we would not have bothered living on this planet.

Love and Light

Elsabe

Remember the last time you did something and succeeded purely based on your willpower?  Can you remember what hard work it was?  You had to focus very hard and harness a lot of energy.  You had to be single-minded and dedicated.

Can you remember how you felt when you reached your goal?  There was not only elation, but also exhaustion, because it was hard work.  You also had the satisfaction of knowing that you had created the outcome.  All this happened because you had used your willpower.

Some people give that willpower away.  They enter into a relationship (at work, personal, friendship) with a person who makes choices on their behalf.  They get bullied or dragged into directions that they know are not right for them.  They work very hard to pacify the keeper of their willpower, and that drains their energy.  At the same time they make half-hearted attempts to get their willpower back to where it belongs – in their own control.

When you do not understand that you have handed your willpower over to another person, you feel like a victim, exhausted and not in control.  You use the same amount of energy you would use if you were the keeper of your willpower, but you go in the wrong direction for the wrong reasons.  This is physically and emotionally painful.

Understanding what you have done is the first step towards cutting the ties with the keeper of your willpower.  Of course this can be painful, but at the point where the pain is most intense, the release is also most intense and you become truly free.  And your willpower returns where it belongs – to you, the rightful owner.

Because willpower is seated in the solar plexus, returning your willpower to its rightful place also means the end of various digestive issues.

Even if you have lost temporary custody of your willpower, it is still yours and you can reclaim it any time.

Love and Light

Elsabe

If you have given away your willpower and now want to end that relationship and get your life back, click on the links below to obtain your FREE e-book How Do I Get Out Of This Relationship? worth £6.97

AND

A FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87

If you are serious about getting back control of your life, click on the link below to invest in the e-book

It’s Over!  Move On And Feel Good About Yourself

By Elsabe Smit, The Intuition Coach

Are you in a violent, controlling, co-dependent or abusive relationship, or recovering from such a relationship? Read this article and discover why we have abusive relationships and how to recover from them.

Some people are real “suckers for punishment” – like those women who keep going back to partners that abuse them physically and verbally. And there are men as well that stay with abusive partners, or people that stay in jobs or in friendships where they are bullied.

No, I am not judging them. I also have a lot of empathy for them, because it took me years to shake off two abusive relationships, many destructive work environments and some feel-bad friendships, even after I had recognized what was happening. I was also a “sucker for punishment”.

In this case there is more truth in that expression, “sucker for punishment“, than we may realize.

We are all One and part of the same perfect diamond that is called God – or any other name that you know Him/Her by. All of us are required to form this perfect diamond, and the diamond would be flawed if any one of us is different or missing. Abusers also form part of the same diamond, and they are also part of our Oneness.

When we are in any type of relationship with a person, we have an additional bond with that person – over and above the one we have with all humanity. Imagine that bond to be like a very strong silver cord that ties two people together. That cord exists between the abuser and the abused, just like it exists between two married people that have been in a happy relationship for forty or more years.

We enter into relationships because we know intuitively that we need the other person to learn important things about ourselves, and to help us get a balance in ourselves that we would otherwise miss.

Why would anyone willingly enter into an abusive relationship? Even when people close to you warn you of what they can see but you cannot? And why would anyone stay in that relationship even when their physical and emotional safety is on line?

Because we are “suckers for punishment”. That silver cord is firmly in place, and it literally sucks us back to the other person until we either realize that we no longer need them and move on, or until there is an incident that weighs more than the pull from that cord, for example when our lives are threatened.

That cord is based in the solar plexus chakra, where our will power is seated. All the time while the cord is in place and we stay in an abusive relationship, we hand our own personal power over to the other person.

When the solar plexus chakra is open and healthy, we understand that we are in charge of our own lives and that we can make our own decisions. We then contribute to a relationship in equal measures, and we understand that we are in the first place individuals, and in the second place part of a relationship.

When the solar plexus chakra is blocked and not healthy, we often believe that we are powerless and that we just have to suffer the punishment that is meted out to us by our partners – or even by work colleagues or other family members that abuse us. The silver cord ties us to those people as well and not just to partners in a love relationship.

That is why people tend to stay in an abusive relationship for long times, and why they often go back even when they do get the courage to move out. They are pulled back by this cord that ties them to the abuser, because physical distance from an abuser does not change the belief that they are powerless. Physical distance does not stop them handing their power over to the abuser, because physical distance is a man-made concept and not real. That silver cord is real.

Once the change happens in the person and he/she starts to understand that they have a personal power and they take that power back, the solar plexus chakra starts to function normally. Then the person gets the courage to leave the relationship. This could mean getting a divorce, changing jobs if the abuser is a work colleague, or breaking off ties – yes, that is literally what happens – with an abusive friend or family member.

Sometimes that realization of having personal power takes too long, and we are forcibly removed from the situation, for example we face the wrong end of a fire-arm and flee to safety, and that gives us the courage to stay away from the abuser and heal the solar plexus chakra. Or we get dismissed from a job and discover that we are better off in a different job. Even then, it could take years to find our balance again.

The question is: why is this kind of information not available to us when we most need it? Why is the understanding and the healing not available much earlier?

I suppose that is where our karma comes in – we need the experiences to find a balance with previous experiences. We choose our lives and our experiences, and at times it is hard to remember that all our experiences and our entire lives are perfect for our purpose in this life.

Love and Light

Elsabe

If you are struggling to put an abusive relationship behind you, click on the links below to obtain your

FREE e-book How Do I Get Out Of This Relationship? worth £6.97

AND

A FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87

If you want to put an abusive relationship behind you and get on with your life, click on the link below to invest in the e-book It’s Over! Move On And Feel Good About Yourself. by Elsabe Smit

Why is it that some women find it so difficult to let go of a man who is not interested in a relationship with them?

I often speak to women who have their eye on a particular man who is not responsive.  These women will do anything to get the man to respond to them.  They will think about him all the time, and even send him long emails and regular text messages.  When they get no response or a non-committal response, they look for ways to make the man love them.

Most of the time these women don’t want to hear that the man is not interested in a relationship with them – and often not even in a friendship.

And the poor man cannot run away fast or far enough.  Often their only “sin” was a friendly greeting or an innocent compliment.

When a man says “you look beautiful today”, it is not a marriage proposal.  It is also not the beginning of a relationship.  It is often not even interest in you as a potential partner.  It is just a bit of flattery.

When a woman regards the most insignificant attention from a man as the beginning of something serious, that woman needs to ask herself why she so desperately needs attention and confirmation from someone else to establish her self-worth.

Even in our enlightened age men don’t like to be the prey.  A small handful of men are egotistic enough to enjoy the attention, but even these men feel crowded soon enough.

In one instance a woman told me that she knew the man was going to marry her, because even though they had not had contact for over ten years, she is convinced of their “spiritual connection”.

I have no doubt that such a “spiritual connection” exists between these women and the men who spend much energy evading them.

Sadly the connection is one-sided – the woman fixates on the man and gets all her energy from him.  This must leave the man tired for no obvious reason, because he may not be consciously aware of the woman using him as a source of energy.

I always ensure that any guidance I give to clients is honest and responsible.  It is immensely frustrating to deal with clients who do not hear a word I am saying, and who want to blame me for not helping them to get any interest from the man.

If such clients then leave me because I did not tell them what they wanted to hear, I count my blessings.  To me it means that they will not use me as a source of energy, and I can help other people.

If a woman needs to get her energy from another person, she also needs to work on her self-belief.  We all are able to generate our own energy and share it with others.  Where a woman believes that she is not capable of generating her own energy, she often suppresses the energy that she has.  This makes her less creative, and such energy blockages can result in dis-ease of the female reproductive systems.

I have seen countless instances where such women discovered their own strength outside of a relationship and then had a lovely relationship with a man who wanted to be with them.  such an equal partnership works far better than a predator=prey situation which eventually results in energy blockages in both partners.

If you are waiting for a specific man to show some fleeting interest in you again, my recommendation is to forget him, and find an interesting hobby to spend your time and energy on.

Before you know it you will be pursued and wooed for the interesting person you are, rather than be avoided for the desperate person you were.

Love and Light

Elsabe

Visit http://goo.gl/1nysE for your FREE copy of

Relationships in Perspective worth £6.97

AND

A FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87

I have written a book on how to end a relationship and still feel good about yourself.  This book is aimed at people who are stuck in a dead-end relationship, and people who are still being haunted by a past marriage or relationship that they cannot shake off.

Will you help me choose a title for this book on ending a relationship?

All you need to do to earn a FREE copy of another e-book called “The Relationship is Over”, is to go to goo.gl/s2BYN and complete a survey that will only take a minute.

Please spread the word among friends who may need the book.  And thank you for your help.

Love and Light

Elsabe

Yes, I have gone quiet, and for a very good reason. Many things are happening in the background and keeping me very busy. I will be very active with a few massive surprises after 23 November 2010, so keep an eye out for new announcements.

I have wondered why nobody ever comments on my blogs, and discovered the reason! There is an inbuilt spam filter on my website, and for some weird reason it decides that about 95% of the comments people send are not relevant. Lesson learnt – Elsabe will now check that filter often and respond to what people write. Please feel free to also respond if you want to.

Someone asked if you could follow me on Facebook. Yes, you can, if you prefer that. My page is The Intuition Coach (where I do these blog postings as well), and you can read my daily tweets on my personal page (just search for my name).

A few people wanted to know where I get my inspiration from for these articles. My inspiration comes from my own life, things people around me say and do, and of course often from my spirit guides and guardian angels. I have been receiving clairvoyant information from them for years, and noticed the consistency in what they convey to me. Initially I did not quite believe what they told me because of my own blinkered thinking, but when you hear the same thing over and over, it starts to make sense and I started to ask more questions. This led me to reading about all sorts of things and finding the practical applications in my own life. This does not mean my life is perfect – if it was, I would never experience conflict or insecurity or anger or any of the other stuff that makes us all human. In fact, I was just this morning thinking how much I like to argue with my one brother – because we always come from opposite positions, we listen to each other and we are both willing to learn, even if it means bumping heads occasionally. I do believe that my life is perfect for its purpose, namely to find and convey the truth to people.

People have asked about my publications. There are a few books already on the market, and two VERY exciting books about quantum healing and relationships in the pipeline. Have a look at the short stories and non-fiction sections of http://www.ebooksforpleasure.com/ for the books that are already on the market. Let me know if you are interested in hard copies of the books by leaving a comment or sending me an email.

Some people asked about subscribing to the RSS feed on the blog. If you look at the top right hand side of the website, you will see the words “Entries RSS” and “Comments RSS”. If you click on the words “Entries RSS”, you will be taken to another screen:

Click on the down arrow next to the words “Live Bookmarks” and choose the service that you want to deliver an alert when I update the blog.

If you also want to get notified of any comments, repeat the process by clicking on the words “Comments RSS”.

I also discovered questions about the technicalities of reading my blog on Iphone, Opera and Macbook. At the moment I do not have the answers to these questions, but I have added them to my list of things to enquire about. I love the technical stuff, but for now my focus is on getting a huge amount of information out into the world within a short space of time. I can tell you that I use a Wordpress template, and suggest that you ask your service providers for assistance on the display side. If Facebook displays easier, then my fan page (The Intuition Coach) may be your solution for now.

When I return from my hiatus (which will in fact be a visit to South Africa to meet my new granddaughter and do loads of more hard work), you can expect information that will rock the world – seriously. I have been channelling much information recently, and I have spent my time thinking about things and asking loads of questions. As you know already, the stuff I bring to you is not necessarily mainstream thinking, and I would not want to just believe everything and make my name toffee in the world. I want to fully understand and believe in what I receive and be able to explain and apply what I write to help people live better lives.

In the meantime, if you have specific relationship issues, get ready to receive some mind-blowing information about the purpose of relationships, and how to finally end a controlling, abusive, codependent or otherwise bad relationship.

Love and Light
Elsabe

Continued

Two: A marriage certificate is a legal contract, not a death sentence. The contract is not a guarantee against change. The contract only spells out what the initial agreement was, and in some instances it also documents the agreement on a potential outcome. The contract does not say that you will die if you are in breach. Experience says that you may die from ill health if you insist on never ending the contract and clinging to it at all costs. It’s your call.

Three: There are two people in a marriage. They either grow together, or they grow apart. That is life. When you allow a whole community or society into the marriage, then nobody grows, except in terms of the amount of fear of change that they gather and share.

Every relationship has a natural life cycle. That includes a marriage. If people manage to let go of their fantasies and accept what comes natural, the end of a marriage will be accepted as a wonderful growth experience.

What we have instead is often a prolonged nightmare that is dictated to society by people who either vowed never to marry but made the rules, or who spend lots of energy upholding their own fantasy in the eyes of the world.

Here endeth the sermon.

Now get yourself a coach who understands that divorce is both the end of the world as you know it, and also a tremendous opportunity for growth. Then find your own balance in your thinking, and get an amicable divorce where everyone can congratulate themselves on being better off emotionally and spiritually as a result of the divorce. Then get on with your life.

Or stay married and find yourself a good doctor who will help you camouflage all the symptoms of your distress, and spend all your energy on maintaining a fantasy in the eyes of the world, while you are deeply unhappy.

There is no reason to become a victim when your marriage ends.

I know which approach works – been there, done that, and lived to express my deep gratitude for the experience. I also learned how to cut the process of making sense out of the experience from 10 years to a few hours. It can be done because it is a scientific process that can be repeated at will.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.

Picture this: Sicily 1965. (If you are giggling about this, you remember Sophia and you probably have grey hair!)

A couple has been married for 20 years. They have teenage children. He is the breadwinner – and he has done so well that his family now prefers cake to bread. She is the home-maker – and she prefers to not leave home, in case a flower arrangement or a recipe needs urgent attention. The picture of perfection. Or is it?

Here is another picture: he started his career at a high, being the best student, then the best intern, then the heart and soul of the party and a social asset to the company – but not quite living up to professional expectations. She was the strong support in the background, and quietly worked her way out of the kitchen and onto the bench in the courtroom. They have a “pigeon pair” son and daughter who are also achievers in their own right. Everything is all right – or is it?

In both instances the cracks in the marriage are there to see for everyone – except for the main players.

Too often couples achieve their “picture of perfection” and are then trapped into maintaining their circumstances at all costs while they grow miles apart. And oh boy, do they pay – and pay.

Any change they are willing to accept must be external, as in a bigger house, a better car, more exotic holidays. The marriage must remain intact, “until death us do part” – because that is the norm.

What are the consequences? The marriage becomes artificial. The participants become physically ill, because they resist change in their spirit, mind and body.

Here are some tips on how to deal with the situation.

One: change happens all the time. Resist it at your peril, or ride the wave and grow from it.

To be continued

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.

I was dealing with a client who is going through a marital crisis after about 20 years of marriage. A big part of the crisis is that she had lost her own identity to the extent that she is no longer anyone other than Mrs Husband. She did this because she believed it was the right, good Christian thing to do. The church will have a lot to account for on doomsday!

That made me question the practise of women taking on the surname of the husband upon marriage.

The kabala teaches that every sound, and therefore every letter used in your name and surname, carries its own meaning and destiny. When you change your name or surname, you in effect change your destiny.

Long before I discovered this, I got divorced and took back my maiden name. At the time I was regarded as a rebel (so nothing new there) and out to break tradition. There were people who told me that changing my surname would not make any difference to me, but it did. When I had my new identity documents showing my own surname, I did feel a sense of freedom and newness.

Have a look at this website – I was astonished to discover that in many countries women in fact did not change their surnames upon marriage and were not expected to.

This is just one of the things where we believe there is only one way to do things, and that is the way we are told to do by self-appointed authority figures. I have taken another step out of ignorance.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.